By Golly I can not think of a suiting title. . . can not should be cannot huh...

I'm not really good at writing especially when it comes to writing from the heart so I’m not exactly sure how I want to go about writing this. My trip to Tanzania was defiantly life changing, but ever since I’ve gotten back home, I’ve felt afraid that I haven’t changed at all and that I’ll slowly move back into the same mind-set and had before I went on this trip. I get almost everything I want, and after I get something I always want more. I feel like a horrible person, one of the hardest things for me to do is to rationalize things. The people in Tanzania see what we have in movies and want that wealth. During that forum, I noticed kids in the group were telling the villagers that “America is not that great”, and they kind of insisted that what the villagers have here is in some ways better than American life. I agree to that in some aspects of it but I feel like none of us had the right to say something like that. Yes, we lived there for 3 weeks but did we really “LIVE” there? We were fed very well, I personally did not gain or lose one pound, we had running water, we never went out and fetched it, we changed clothes everyday (most of the time), and we had more spare money that most of the people probably made in a month. From what I’ve seen, kids walk a few miles daily to carry water back to their homes, kids have more responsibilities than American children like taking care of their younger siblings when they themselves are very young. They don’t go out and eat nice food. I noticed at the orphanage that the children were served 2 pieces of bread and some tea while 20 feet away we were being served toast with bananas, pineapples, coffee, and hot chocolate. So I don’t think I have the right to say that their lives are better in some ways and they should be content with what they have. Why should they deserve anything less that what we have? Everything is so easily attainable here at home. Yesterday I was at a party and I couldn’t figure out why I was on the verge of tears and even right now I’m trying to figure out what was going on. I miss Africa, I miss the people, I miss the food, culture, and I especially miss the entire group. I don’t feel like I’ve truly cried about anything until now. I feel like too much time has been wasted wanting silly things and doing things that won’t ever lead to anything. Going on this trip has really made me think about what I want to do. I don’t want to just make a living, I want to leave a lasting footprint, and it might sound selfish but not to help anybody but to help myself. I think if I didn’t do anything especially after what I’ve learned In Africa in would be completely wrong to just waste it. Before I went on this trip, my mom told me she was paying for it so that I could “become a person”. Now I’m angry that I’m writing all this at once It’s all hitting me at once at writing this is starting to get harder. . . AND you guys probably expect a really long blog entry since I’ve been writing in a journal instead of on my laptop. I also want to apologize about always being late. I'm not the most organized person ever. I'm blank now, I promise I’ll try to get more if anything comes to mind but for now, I think im spent.